Once
by lyrainthedark
Summary: It was the only thing she had ever asked for, the only thing she would ever truly want. Rin and Sesshomaru, one shot.


A/N: An extremely random one-shot; this is the only thing I've ever written with this pairing...there are so very few ways that it is possible. Lemon warning; Rin/Sesshomaru, twenty or more years in their future.

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Once

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In the darkness of his bedroom, Sesshomaru found an unfolded piece of paper, laying casually across his corner desk like an abandoned experiment in calligraphy. Perhaps it was something in the placement of it that drew his attention – the corners were too precisely unaligned. Perhaps it was the angle of moonlight, which drew too many shapely designs with shadows and the edges of paper. He took the sheet, and moved to stand in the light from the open window.

_Sesshomaru-sama;_

_I followed, obeyed, and worshipped _

_Now the time is almost done, and my life_

_Is wrapped up in clean silk_

_Tied with an orange ribbon_

_For you, I have been_

_The sun of a life lived in ice_

_I watched, and waited, and whispered_

_My secret desire to the listening night_

_The late watches of the moon and the waving fingers _

_Of the stars_

_So now, if only once before I die_

_Hold me not as a daughter_

_Cover me with hair like soft white sand under twilight_

_Hold me with an arm stronger than steel,_

_Stronger than diamonds_

_I, the patient carrier of towel and comb_

_Will unbuckle your armor and lay it by us_

_Teach me the meaning of passion, _

_Dress me in your colors – pale, and blood_

_Touch me in womanly ways, and I will give you_

_My shattered self, my resurrection_

_Be slow with me, not gentle with your demon's touch_

_It is the way of my desire, and I want to know_

_How it pleases you – and if it pleases you_

_Your face always tells me__ everything_

_Only I kept a secret_

_You never knew, and so I waited_

_Until it was now, to ask, until I could be_

_Asking that you only live with this memory,_

_As I fade into the reed gardens of autumn, the frost-flowers _

_Of winter nights; while my eyes are still bright,_

_Love me once before I die_

Somewhere while reading it, his eyes had widened slightly, but not too much. The gentle chiding of her stanzas was correct – he should have noticed, paid more attention, so that he could have disabused her of her notion. She should have been able to rid herself of it without his help. Had he treated her so poorly?

He went out into the night to find her, and it was not difficult. She had meant for him to find her, or what was the point of her letter? He was glad, when he found her kneeling in her own garden, that she had not tried to be seductive. She was dressed in her orange kimono, perhaps tied a little more loosely than usual – or was that another thing he had not noticed?

"Rin."

She was warned by the tone of his voice that something was not as she wanted it, but she had been with him too many years to disobey. It was not something she made herself do – it was her life, to be with him.

"Sesshomaru-sama."

She stood, and turned to face him with bowed head. He took the single step necessary to close the distance between them, and lifted her chin with a word.

"Rin."

She did not often hear him speak with _that_ tone, but it required her to meet his gaze. It was not his face she saw, but only eyes, plunging down onto her like a wave. They distracted her so that she did not see the kiss coming until she felt it - and then she was sure that she must be dreaming, because she was the one full of longing, and he could not be this good at pretending, this good at making her believe he really wanted her.

He lay her down, and untied her obi, and parted her kimono with knowing hands. Just as knowing, he made more of her desires than she had known, touching and teasing until her body was hot and flushed, and she panted under the silk cover of his hair, flung over her breasts and belly and tangled in her fingers.

His hands were wicked, but his mouth was wickeder still, tongue and teeth searching her _self_ for a sweetness that had been longed for, and when he found it her thighs contracted in time with her moan, pushing him away.

With his one hand, he spread her legs again, looking up at her with eyes that blazed red and a growl that gave her hope that it was real, after all.

"No."

Gently, he touched her again with his tongue, and continued to be gentle until her hips could not keep contact with the earth, and she begged him for something she could not define with words that he could not understand. Still, he knew what she wanted. It was not time yet time to give it to her. _He_ wanted to give her other pleasures, first.

He gave over to his own momentary desire, and the new wetness that flooded his tongue he had never scented from her, but was sweeter than before. Her legs tensed around his shoulders; the muscles of her calves quivered, and her toes curled and uncurled, quick and shuddering. He backed away, and stood, licking his lips, watching her breathe heavily with closed eyes, beautiful, still desiring.

From under her eyelids, she watched him undress, not folding his clothes but laying them carefully aside. His arousal was obvious, heavy on his slim body, and she caressed those new angles with her eyes, alongside the lines of muscles she remembered, the thin red lines that marked his youkai heritage. She allowed her eyes to really close, waiting, and he came back to her swiftly, holding himself over her.

"Rin."

She had never heard him this way, his low voice lower, deeper, darker, his eyes not red for blood but for her - _for her _- but still, she knew what to do. A brighter flush crept over her cheeks when she touched him, and felt the tightening, hardening accompaniment to her touch. He growled and it was a guttural sound; it made her shiver, and she guided him into her body more with her hips than with her hands.

He expected to hurt her; she expected pain. Instead, it was only a slow moment of discomfort, and then a strange, full, tingling pleasure. When he finally moved, and she gasped, he stopped short, but she followed him, wanting him, and he gave over to her desire, slower than his demon want, faster than she should have liked. He thought that somehow, he had known that humans were fragile – that for them, a first love should be painful.

She reached for him, on the edge of a different kind of climax, and when it overtook her he was no longer capable of thinking. With a powerful shove, he pushed them both off the ground, so that he knelt with her legs around his waist. Surprised, her feet dropped, and he pulled away, growling. Something between surprise and fear flitted across her face; he only grabbed her, and flipped her, and buried himself in her body again.

She shook, and screamed, and cried her passion into the ground. Sesshomaru was muffled in the flesh of her shoulder, consumed by the creeping urgency of his own desire, no longer giving but taking. It was what she wanted. Her life, her _life_, he had given to her; it was right that now, he should take.

She felt him inside of her, the moment before he howled, and sank his teeth into her shoulder, shaking. She had never seen him shake.

"Rin."

Laying now, she turned and met his eyes, fearing this tone, which she had never heard before.

"I do not want to live with this memory."

She had not expected him to be cruel. With her, he had never been cruel, but she knew that she had asked too much.

"I am sorry, Sesshomaru-sama. I will leave you, now."

His growl shook her whole body; his arm held her so tightly she could not breathe.

"No. You are mine – you are mine. I will live with you, and not the memory. This is not just once, before you die."

Her heart pounded like a delirious bird of joy. She could not speak, but it was not necessary. He could hear the stumbling sound, and her face was brighter than the sun.

"Rin."

She had not heard that tone from him before, so soft, so rich - but he would teach her what to do.

"Sesshomaru…"


End file.
